Marrying into the military: navigating work and family when your partner is in the armed forces

Balancing career and family can be challenging at the best of times, but even more so when your partner might be sent to work abroad at any moment. This is the situation for our colleague, Kate Earl who works in Third Party Risk Management. Kate talked to us about what life is like being married to someone in the Armed Forces and how the bank has supported her to find a work- life balance and get through some difficult situations.

Kate is married to a Colour Sergeant in the Royal Anglian Regiment, Mortar’s platoon. Although based in Leicestershire, Kate’s husband spends months away from home.

“At the start of the year he was in Poland for four months,” Kate explains, “We sometimes have an idea of when he may be away but that changes quite frequently so we can’t always plan around it. He’ll be home for Christmas this year which will be nice, but he’s missed a few being on tour in Mali, Afghanistan, and Poland.”

Having a partner in the armed forces often requires a lot of sacrifice, especially when you have children. Kate’s eight-year-old daughter, Bella is now at an age where she understands what is means when her father goes away. “I have to allow for a little bit of attitude when he’s away,” Kate laughs, “because obviously it’s not a normal situation. When she was younger, I don’t think she understand the timeframes but in the last year she has started to ask, ‘when’s daddy coming home?’. She’s also starting to understand the impacts of his job and what it might mean if he didn’t come back. It’s a lot easier if he gets to talk to her on a regular basis but that depends on where he is; sometimes we won’t get to speak to him for weeks.”

As the nature of the armed forces requires a great deal of flexibility, Kate explained that it isn’t uncommon for people in her position to change or leave their job to accommodate their partner.

“People often can’t believe that I’ve been with the same company for so long. It was a conversation we had to have and a decision we made. I started working here putting stamps on envelopes 22 years ago and worked my way up into Corporate Services before I got headhunted into Contract Management, heading up the Risk team. My role has evolved over time and although there isn’t a lot of flexibility with his role, the flexibility with mine meant I could keep working. Although he has to go wherever he’s sent, we made a decision that our house wasn’t going to be on camp and we would manage whatever we needed to. It's been difficult when he’s been away, but I didn’t want to leave my job or take a career break. I could still do everything I needed to from various places and change my hours to whatever was necessary.”

Another reason Kate has been able to manage these elements of her life is because of the support of our Armed Forces Network, an employee-led network that was established in 2015 and that aims to provide support to the network members representing Armed Forces Reservists, dependants, and veterans.

“I was first made aware of the Armed Forces Network when my husband was posted oversees,” says Kate. “I was looking into whether I could work from home where he was based. I then decided to get more involved and became membership secretary. It only used to be about 70 people. It wasn’t an active network, just there for support if you needed it but it’s now so much bigger. There are regular meetings, and it can help people in my position to approach things in the right way. When I’ve had to have difficult conversations to accommodate my situation, the network has been amazing at helping me navigate those conversations. It’s also constantly growing, pushing for even more flexibility.

“It's different from other employee-led networks as it’s such a niche area, but so helpful with specific queries such a taking leave at the last minute and putting you in touch with the right people. Some people use it as an online community in both a personal and professional capacity, and although you have to be resilient in this position, it’s nice to know it’s there for advice and to keep up to date with people.”

And when I asked what’s next for Kate:

“I’m very comfortable in third party risk management and as my daughter and dogs take up a lot of my time, I’m happy I can balance with my career with their needs.”